Baking and Breaking The World of Kashmiri Breads

Bread is such an important aspect of survival for a human. After water, if anything a human being craves for, is nothing but bread. Over thousand years of evolution of homo sapiens and a subsequent development of new cultures on this planet, the bread has taken various forms. There’s no other region which has a rich history and variety of breads the way Europe has. As I read somewhere that Germany alone boasts 1300 varieties of breads and pastries (I so vividly remember the strudel Christopher Waltz’s character eats in the movie, Inglorious Basterds). So famous is Italy’s Focaccia, France’s Baguette, Danish Rugbroad or German’s Bauernbrot. Middle East too has its own contribution to this ancient recipe. The famous pita, the supremely tasty lavash, sumptuous taftan or our own hearty naan.

Being a human being (not just Being Human J), I too developed craving for the bread from my childhood. Though Indians are not heavy eaters of leavened bread and generally prefer flat unleavened breads, I loved the freshly baked soft white bread or the tasty buns with my evening tea. The love further blossomed with introduction to pizzas and garlic breads. My curiosity for breads is increasing always. And I was in for a surprise when I married my better half who’s a Kashmiri Pandit. Kashmiri Pandits also share my love for breads. So it is easy for me to write about the Kashmiri breads.

A typical dekko of a Kashmiri Bakery, Nagrota, Jammu

A Kashmiri breakfast would never be complete without breads, that too the baker’s breads. Every Kashmirí’s home would be situated in the vicinity of a bakery or vice versa makes more sense J. I think both are inseparable entities. The bakery in Kashmir is known as ‘Kandur’ (pronounced as kaan-duur). The owner of a kaandur is considered to be blessed by the Kashmiri saint, Lal Ded who once took shelter in an oven of a kaandur. This is as per a KP legend. I am not too sure about the legend of Lal Ded  but I am sure that the owner of kaandar/kaandur is blessed by thousands of souls including me.

The Baker in The Kaandur (Please check the red hot oven and the divine light from the window in the background !)

A fresh bread with a cup of piping hot tea on a cold winter morning in Kashmir/Jammu is a luxury anyone can afford. That’s where the blessings start to pour in. It’s not an ordinary job to run a kaandur and meet expectations of its various patrons. The oven (that’s tandoor, dude!) is lighted up very early in the morning. The knuckles come hard of leavened or unleavened dough to start the day. Interestingly, the kaandur keeps on changing the breads with almost every passing couple of hours (Please correct me if I am wrong since that’s my experience)

Whenever I am in Jammu, my morning starts with an endearingly refreshing cup of Kahwa. To date, there has been nothing which is able to beat the subtle mixture of various aromas in the simplest forms like the way Kahwa offers. And obviously, it doesn’t need an accompaniment as your all senses are awakened with every sip of this delicately beautiful clear tea (but some people prefer Kulcha, KASHMIRI…SAY…KASHMIRI Kulcha, with it, I think it’s just a function of hunger). Here, kaandur is saved from the early morning raiders as the he silently works his hands on the dough to make the first batch of lavaas and girdas ready.

Kashmiris love their tea the way Punjabis love their whisky. (Ouch, Okay!) Kashmiris love their tea like the way fish loves water (Sounds good…would the first line be chopped?). Tea is an integral part of every Kashmiri household. The day starts with it and most possibly, you may end the day drinking tea if you are willing. I guess half of the cooking fuel consumption should be dedicated to tea in a Kashmiri home (and rest goes for those delicious slow cooked dishes which I relish a lot… I mean gobbling 4-5 dum aloos). Why I am I stressing so much on tea when the write up has to be about bread. Bread is the best accompaniment of tea. J

As I mentioned, the first round of milky tea (mostly the pink nun chai) doesn’t descend through esophagus unless you hold girda or lavasa in other hand. Girda or just czot (pronounced as ‘chot’) is a flatbread similar to the roti we may get in plains in India but is prepared using maida (refined flour). Freshly warm (or warmly fresh) and smeared with table butter, it becomes ‘no one can eat just one’ affair in the morning. My personal capacity can be enhanced to 5-6 girdas on any given morning. Kashmiris generally prefer the nun chai (salty pink tea, ‘nun’ stands for salt in Kashmiri) with girda. Over the time (7 years to be precise), I have developed the taste for ‘nun chai’ but my fundamental structure prefers to enjoy these breads with sweet milky tea (generally labelled as ‘Lipton Chai’, what a brand recall of Hindustan Unilever!) Girdas/czots/rotis, as I call them the first batch of breads are consumed around 9 in the morning.

Girdas... No one can eat just one (Not even two also)

Lavasa is a fairer brother/sister of Girda. Girda is generally baked to golden crispiness while lavasa is kept slightly thin but have numerous blisters on surface. I personally prefer girdas over lavasas as the slightly stretchable texture is not something which I enjoy with my tea. However, I believe (and as I read), lavasas are the perfect breads for kebabs or veg dishes like paneer tikkas and chole. Needless to say, you have to apply butter on the surface of lavasa to enjoy your dishes to impermissible limits J.

Kashmir, as many of you know, is a valley situated between the beautiful Karakoram and Pir Panjaal range of Himalayas making it one of the most beautiful terrains in the world. It is bestowed with a very balmy weather which becomes very cold (Oh..that ‘Chilai Kalan’) in winters. The guts of people here are so suitable to consume butter and refined flour that we poor mortals from plains who complain after eating few pies of a pizza will always be at awe at both, usage and capability of kashmiris to digest these two commodities. The situation is worse especially if you are staying in a city like Mumbai where the weather never helps you build an appetite. It brings me to tears (of course of JOY) to see people enjoying so much of leavened bread and butter in the hills.

As the day starts crawling towards noon (I really mean it, with so much of butter in your belly, the day actually crawls), we are introduced to another set of amazing breads. This is the time for the famous tilwor and that not so famous but equally delectable ‘Katlam’. Tilwor or Chochwor as it is commonly known in the valley is similar to bagel bread. One of the the most attractive in the Kashmiri section of breads. Traditionally, a good friend of nun chai, tilwor when fresh out of kaandur can give a run to the best bagels anywhere on this planet. Highly recommended on a cold afternoon with the very Kashmiri nun chai (Did I forget to mention ‘lot of butter’, eh?).

Freshly baked Tilwors, make way, you Bagel!

Katlam is my all time favorite bread. It is similar to what we call ‘Khari’ biscuits which we get in different bakeries in Mumbai. The ones from Yazdani Bakery in Fort are probably the best I have come across in Mumbai. So Katlam has that multi layered personality and all the layers are crunchy in peking order as your teeth go on biting the layers. Even the relatively soft core is so so delicious that you may want to skip your lunch over multiple cups of nun chai/ lipton chai along with continuous supply of Katlams. However, unlike the khari biscuits, the katlams tend to lose the crunchiness over hours. The khari biscuits can retain crunch over days. Come what may, that’s my personal favorite bread from the kaandur.

Katlams and Tilwors...Awesome twosome combo for your late morning tea!

Bakirkhani is also an everyday bread. We may call it a big bro of Katlam. Slightly puffed, layered, crunchy (I am tired of saying that they go well with any Kashmiri tea and this time please include Kahwa if you wish to… but I prefer Kahwa as a solitary drink). Bakirkhani itself though is not unique for Kashmir. Available from Bangladesh to Uttar Pradesh to Pakistan, the recipe may vary little for every region. A preparation with clarified butter (ghee) will give you an accompaniment for the savory dishes prepared on special occasions.

And how can I forget to write about Kulcha! No, no, not your typical kulcha. This too is a baker’s bread but little firm and you can’t stuff chhole into it. Again exclusively goes with tea (haa, I give up now, exclusively with ‘nun chai’).

Kashmiri Kulchas...for Rs 3 to Rs 5 per piece is an excellent bargain!

The breads I talked about are integral part of daily life of a Kashmiri. It is difficult for a Kashmiri to survive without tea and bread. So girda, lavasa, tilwor, katlam, kulchas and bakarkhani always come to rescue for him/her. However, there are few breads which are prepared for special occasions like weddings, new arrival (not the movie, man!).

Krippe or Krip is dear to me. My first encounter with it took place at my wedding in Jammu. My relatives and friends who accompanied me for the wedding told me that they were enjoying Krip with their tea. All I could do was to react with a smile as I had to observe a ritualistic fast till the wedding was complete (technically late afternoon around 4 p.m.). This tiny round bread wins your heart (and may clog arteries also) with its flaky structure, goes well with….. (Please fill in the blanks now). We carried loads and loads of krip on our way back to Pune from Jammu and how voraciously we finished it before we reached Pune. JJJ. Another strong contender who accompanied us during the trip and no one dared to mess with it was the roth. Roth is a bulky bread laden with dry fruits and coconut with a sweet tinge. It is an exclusive bread for grand occasions like wedding and child births. I loved it dunking it in warm milk and gobbling it up.  

Roth (Yes, the one that looks like Pizza...sweet and mighty!)

Gyevchot which literally translates as the ghee roti is obviously made using ghee (clarified butter). It has a fluffy, soft texture with surface baked to golden hue. I earlier thought it to be an everyday bread but alas, it has become a rarity. I went on inquiring about Gyevchot last time I was in Jammu and the kaandur man told me that it is made on order.

Gyevchot with Kashmiri Nun Chai as well as sweet milky tea!

Sheermal is one bread I really love to dig my teeth into. And surprise, it need not be accompanied with tea. It is a sweet bread prepared using refined flour, milk, saffron and dates and has its own flavor. I am not too sure if sheermal is an exclusively Kashmiri bread because I find numerous mentions about this bread in northern UP. But since the place of origin for this bread is Iran, Kashmir will obviously be connected. Mildly sweet, prepared using date flavoured milk this one is one of my favourite companions on travel. One can eat them without any accompaniment. It’s like a delicious biscuit. Crisp, crumbly and flavorful.

Rate List outside a Kaandur in Nagrota, Jammu.

The distinctive nature of Kashmiri culture also influences its cuisine. Now-a-days, there’s a lot of curiosity over Kashmiri dishes and I could see many restaurants serving exclusively Kashmiri cuisine in the metropolitan area. The tourist flow is increasing to Kashmir and hopefully, it will keep on getting better and better every year. All I wish is that the beauty would always be perpetual with no more scars. So next time you go to Kashmir, definitely visit a kaandur and raise a Bread (not the toast) to the peace, prosperity and longevity of Kashmir. 

NOTE - All the pics in this post are originally clicked by me. I would be happy to share them with anyone who needs it but request to take my permission please!)

Cultural Evolution of An Indian Veg Thali

Thali is probably  a quintessential offering of an Indian kitchen to the world though it may not be as famous as butter chicken, daal and naan in the West. (I heard that these have given bad name to India’s mouth watering array of cuisine). Thali represents how an Indian eats her food. Thali essentially means a plate in which all the offerings are served. Interestingly, the contents keep on changing almost every 100 km across the length and breadth of this huge and diverse country. From the slow cooked heady spice mix of Kashmir to simple rassam/sambar rice in Tamil Nadu and from the fantastic all vegetarian extravaganza of Gujarat  to the carnivore’s paradise in the East, one will be zapped by the diversity. So it is difficult to actually put India’s culinary delights in a nutshell called ‘Indian Thali’

Historically and culturally, Indians are fairly conservative about eating out. However, every new generation is now defying that logic with equal force. The elders generally emphasized on eating at home only and not to eat outside as it was a sign of lowliness. The cast system being very strong in India also raised doubt about the origin of the person who cooked the food. Parann (food cooked by somebody else apart from family members) was a forbidden fruit. The only eating out experience for Indian families were grand functions like weddings and the food was served in a thali. The same culture has percolated down the years in a new version called Thali Restaurants across India.

As I mentioned earlier, it is difficult to put the diverse cuisine of India in a single thali. However, the vegetarian quotient is prominent in Indian thali. Eating a sumptuous thali is one of the indications of celebration related to festivals. Since almost all the festivals are associated with some sacred rituals, people avoid eating non-veg food. Therefore, it was imperative that a thali with 100% veg content will emerge as a clear winner and would set the culture. So it was obvious that Gujarati thali was meant to be a clear front runner.

Gordhan Thaal - Ahmedabad

Down the memory lane, I could clearly remember a very basic version of the so called thali – ‘rice plate’. I am born and brought up in Western Maharashtra and could easily link a wholesome eating experience in the childhood via a rice plate. So a rice plate will have 4-5 small bowls containing one or two gravy based preparations, a dry subzi, lentil, curry/kadhi and salad and couple of chapattis (Indian flat bread) and sumptuous amount of rice (obviously, it’s a rice plate!). You could transform that simple thali into ‘’Deluxe Thali” by replacing chapattis with puris (deep fried Indian puffed bread) and a single serving of an Indian dessert (mostly Gulab Jamun). I loved the part sans rice. I was a rice hater in the childhood and developed nausea to the extent that I used to puke at the site of cooked rice. (This extreme reaction was actually on account of horrible food served in coastal region of Maharashtra/Goa those days – 17-18 yrs ago).

This was the time when the Indian was experiencing the winds of globalization. The new grads (especially engineers with specialization in electronics) were being picked by software companies. People started experiencing the phenomenon of disposable income even after doing savings. Rice plate was meant to take a back seat. Quick Service Restaurants  (QSR) were mushrooming and fast food caught the fancy of Gen X very quickly. Rice plate has been reduced to a meal of labourer these days. But rice plate was never meant to evolve as a choice for thali.

With people finding themselves in a position to spend extra money over food and the inherent Indian culture of eating in thali gave rise to the culture of premium thalis.  In the initial phase, there were many standalone restaurants serving Gujarati/Rajasthani thali (some are doing great even today). As mentioned earlier, the high veg quotient of Gujarati food makes it an indomitable choice for thali anyday. There is 90% chance that you would enter a thali restaurant and you would be served with Gujarati cuisine in your thali. Gujarat and Maharashtra throw abundant choices of veg food to a connoisseur that provides a complete spread from starters to desserts. I don’t think that any other state provides such a wide array of vegetarian cuisine.

Gujarat’s offerings are richer than Maharashtra. Maharashtra’s cuisine is rustic and simple. There are few items in Maharashtra’s offering which can certainly compete with Gujarat (Shrikhand is something which both Maharashrians and Gujaratis claims to be their own dessert, I certainly feel it’s Maharashtrian), but Gujarat’s cuisine scores well in overall index. Although snubbed by fellow North Indians for being too sweet for their palette, I don’t see a strong contender to Gujarat’s veg spread and hence captivating the culinary fancies of foodies across the country. Besides this, Gujaratis being predominantly business oriented community have travelled across length and breadth of the country and have carried the legacy almost everywhere. And there is no doubt that Gujaratis are born foodies.

Let’s get down to main business. Gujarati thali’s main ingredients are farsan (the starters – fried/steamed). Dhokla is generally the preferred steamed version while dal wada is the essential Gujarati snack. The combination of mint-coriander chutney and tamarind-jaggery  chutney along with these snacks makes up for a perfect start. Since the hunger is at peak at the start, most people tend to go overboard gorging on the ‘farsaan’.  This follows by different vegetables, sweet and spicy dal as well as curry and most probably three types breads – phulka with ghee, thepla and rotla. Personally, I am fan of thepla and generally ignore other breads since thepla is rich in taste and contents. Rotla goes good with white butter and jiggery. You actually don’t need anything else if you’ve rotla, white butter and jaggery. In the later course, one may probably have a choice of steamed white rice and aromatic khichdi. Go for khichdi with sweet Gujarati kadhi and you’ll stop hating the sweet quotient of food in Gujarat. Desserts are inseparable- and I love the restaurants who serve unlimited desserts.

Sasuji Thali - Vadodara

Being in Mumbai, I had been to several thalis restaurants in the city and haven’t come across the legend like ‘Agashiye’ of Ahmedabad in Gujarat. In Mumbai, I frequent to Chetana, Status, Samrat, Revival, Thakker’s, Golden Star. Personally, I like ‘Rajdhani Rasovara’ for the sheer size and contents of the thaali. It is not for the faint hearted as it serves  3-4 types of desserts at the start only. I like Chetna for its simplicity, Thakker’s for its rich taste.  In August 2013, I had been to a trip to Ahmedabad with a very close friend, Ashish Sharma only to explore food of Gujarat. The high point, as I mentioned was ‘Agashiye’ though we also tried ‘Gordhan Thaal’ at Satelite Cross Road. Though the starters and desserts were winners (I scooped 7 bowls of Apple Basundi there J), main course was little disappointing. Following is the account of our food trip to Ahmedabad.

http://www.thealternative.in/lifestyle/untravel-festival-special-de-gujarati-thaali/

To put in a nutshell, Indian thali restaurants do give an essential experience of an Indian cuisine and has evolved into a strong culture in India. I am happy o be the part of this culture and is always a delight to find a thali restaurant in an unknown place (though now-a-days I do a lot of research before heading for an unknown, especially on restaurants and food). I trust that culture will keep on becoming stronger with every bite. J

Part 1 - The Street Food of Jammu - Gatronomical Gallis

Jammu enjoys a fair distinctness from the rest of the states as well as its beautiful cousin, Kashmir, in almost all aspects. Essentially a Dogra stronghold, the street food here in Jammu epitomizes it. It seems inspired by the perennial (and delectable) north Indian street food you generally start finding in Delhi and north of it. However, the beauty lies in the originality. And I’ve explored this when I was in Jammu.

Being a foodie at heart (and a traveler too), I generally tend to explore the food in a particular region wherever I go. So a trip to Himachal meant that I would have prying eyes for babru, shidu or chana madra. Going to Rajasthan lead to me devouring pyaaz kachoris, mirchi vada, mawa kachoris, makhaniya lassis. I am all set for my trip again to Rajasthan along with exploring part of Madhya Pradesh and Gujarat. All I am looking for is Garadu and Jalebi in MP and the awesome kutchi stuff in Bhuj. Guys, please start sending your inputs and girls, you also!

Ideally, being in Jammu during winters automatically opens various options for the street food and the best thing about it is, the weather, which is so conducive that whatever you eat, you are bound to digest it. In my view, the foodie’s den in Jammu is Kachchi Chavani area along with the Parade and Pucca Danga. There are many institutions in other areas but ideally a street food is served best in the busy bazaars where you almost keep on bumping into people.

Exactly two days after I reached Jammu this time (27^th November 2012 to be precise), I got an opportunity to visit Kachchi Chavani in Central Jammu under the guise of shopping. Yep, the responsibilities were divided. My wife did the shopping and I did all the eating. J. The first restaurant we entered looked like a swanky street food joint glamorously named as ‘Casino’, bang opposite to the Hanuman Temple. Of course, you are taking all the risk of paying and losing it all if you are disappointed with the taste of food. Something similar happened to me.

We entered with great expectations but somehow we had a very limited choice of aloo tikkis, chole bhature and the ubiquitous chowmein (or Chinese noodles for not so North Indian people). We were hungry so we actually went easy over aloo tikkis (potato patties marinated with spices and deeply fried). It appeared tempting with chole (white chickpea) gravy, curd and red onion but was terribly bland for my palette. Street food should actually bring an explosion of flavours in your oral cavity.  This never happened. It was like a star batsman getting out on a first ball of the innings which was a fulltoss. Even the chole bhature at Casino couldn’t save the day. Again a similar chole gravy, onion and a pale pickle. Was not happy paying the bill.

The extra bit of oil in the bhaturas (a deep fried Indian bread made of fine flour) made me conscious and I decided to walk while doing the shopping for wedding of my brother-in-law. My heart was also heavy. I had been waiting for this opportunity to devour street food of Jammu for months and such a disappointment! Anita, my better half, was also feeling bad for me.

 And…lo and behold…suddenly we spotted the ‘Kulchawala’ (A ‘Kulcha’ vendor, kulcha is a typical bread baked in an oven). Jammu is famous for it’s kulchas. So when I say Kulchas, it actually points towards the stuffing the kulcha has. So it can have a potato stuffing (Aloo Kulcha), chickpea stuffing (Chole Kulcha), soya chunk stuffing (Nutri Kulcha), paneer kulcha (cottage cheese stuffing) and K…. ahh…wait, good things never come easy! I’ll divulge the details exclusively in the next part of this exquisite and king of street food in Jammu.

Spotting kulchawala was a big relief. We thought we would grab a bite and ordered two chole kulchas. Preparation looked good. The kulcha was stuffed with white chickpeas, finely chopped onions and tomatoes, green chutney made up of mint leaves (pudina) and coariander leaves (dhaniya). The guy handed it over to me and déjà vu.. I was in a similar situation at the swanky Italian/Mexican Restaurant called Quattro in Mumbai, struggling with the huge stuffing in the tacos. The stuffing was oozing out of the kulcha. I took a bite. It was better than the Casino’s spread but again was not upto the expectations. Now, I started to feel uncomfortable. It was 2 o’clock but still the weather was cooler. This is one of the things I love about Jammu. What a fabulous weather (exclusively for winters J)!

We had almost reached in the last phase of our shopping and the possibility of tasting the ‘flavour explosion’ was getting dim. We walked towards the direction of ladies market. Ahh..what a place! So many pretty girls and women beaming with smile as they are there to purchase their favourite stuff. Okay..lets get back to the main subject. J  So exactly at the entry of the Fathu Chugan/Laxmi Bazaar, there was a newly opened snack baar and what it serving was only one item on its elaborate menu…The Lachcha Kulfi. (For the uninitiated, Kulfi is the cousin of ice-cream from the Indian subcontinent)

I had earlier heard about the lachcha paratha and even heard somebody talking about lachchedar biryani but never thought of hearing about lachcha kulfis. We have had enough of the tikkis, bhaturas and kulchas… and worse..we didn’t like any of them. Lachcha kulfi was bound to save the grace. And it was fairly good. I was not overjoyed though since the kulfi was not as sweet as it should be and was not flavourful..guess these are the two essential qualities of a kulfi. The noodles dabbled in little amount of rose syrup (or rooh-afza) was a good accompaniment but was still falling short of expectations. I was getting critical about Jammu’s street food…..

And then…. I will divulge the details in the second part which led to finding the gems of Jammu street food and resurrection of my belief in Jammu’s street food. Keep salivating   

Part 5 - Story of a Kashmiri Wedding - An Affair to Remember

The rain god looked very anxious to attend the wedding. The heavy showers were actually lashing the whole area. Barnai and Patouli are relatively cooler areas due to the Chinab’s water flowing through the canals there. It was the last week of November. These three factors caused severe drop in the temperature and tea scored heavily over cold drinks on that day. J

I along with few other members retired from the scene early and had the comfort of enjoying the hospitality of Meenu’s maternal aunty (Maasi). However, no description of kashmiri wedding is complete without the mention of ‘Posh Puza’. Posh Puza literally means worshipping with flowers. Here the bride and the groom are considered to be Goddess Parvati and God Shiva. This remains probably the most distinct ritual of a kashmiri wedding. A red shawl or cloth covers the silhouette of both groom and bride and the married couples from the bride’s side shower the petals (again of marigold). It generally creates a heap of petals on the heads of the newly married.

I had been through this ritual. Though we got compliments for the heap of petals on our heads, I was about to cry loudly at the end of it. J My back was hurting so much due to an inclined position and eyes were red and puffed due to constant exposure to the holy smoke. But Amit told me that it was fairly comfortable for him.  Good for him.

By the time we got back to the scene, the posh puza was already over. The eyes were heavy for most of the Meenu’s relatives. It was the time for Bidaai or saying farewell to the bride as she is now the part of new home. Yes, everybody knows that the boys is good, her in-laws are nice, the relatives (especially like me…okay…that’s too much of footage…I mean..my better 3/4^th) are cool but still, it is an expected world of unknown. The girl who has spent so many years suddenly leaves the place, suddenly she belongs to other home. It is indeed tough for the parents especially and the girl too. The emptiness in the house haunts the parents and the exposure to absolute novel stuff dazes the girl. I think it must be made compulsory for the groom also to at least spend a month at his in-laws sans all the luxuries of a ‘damaad’(Gosh..somehow the split of this hindi word throws English words like ‘Damn’ and ‘Mad’) and cook food….. J

Somehow, things were good for Meenu. She never felt alienated in the new set up since we people were not new to her. We had been very good friends. So this was a big comforting factor. So after Bidaai, we drove her to her Maasi’s home for the ritual of ‘firtur’ (I don’t know what is repeating here…can’t connect the dots like ‘firsaal’). Here, the aunt normally doesn’t allow the entry of newly-weds in a funny mood until the groom assures to fulfill her wish. I don’t know when Anita became the ‘aunt’ and was unruly demanding a Merc to Amit. Eww…common Anita…we stay in Mumbai…come off the age…demand Audi or Porsche! (Izzat ka Falooda!)

After entering the home, the newly-wed couple makes way to kitchen and again fed with the same menu. Now you know the names of the food items. Here, the association of ‘dyejhur’ with the ‘aath’ (the golden chains replacing the red threads the bride is wearing in her ears) starts. God, save the girl child! Here, the groom changes his clothes (undeniably suit..yes!) Time to drive to Meenu’s home. We were being eagerly awaited (I mean Meenu and Amit..we were the sidies) It was serious congregation at Meenu’s home. After we settled at our place, it was bit difficult to look up as everybody’s eyes were still on us as I was sitting next to Meenu and Anita sitting next to Amit.

Amit and Meenu had their fair share of food again. Rest of the group was happy with milk enriched with dry fruits. Time to change the clothes for the groom and bride again. Superstars, superstars! So finally, we were all ready along with loads of gifts which includes the tasty roth (a flatbread with poppy seeds and coconut), goes well with milk as well as tea. J A final goodbye and our SUV whizzed towards Amphalla. A traditional welcome at KPS and finally the bride became the Bahu of the Bhats (Bahu-e-Bhat).

A vote of thanks – Generally, an inspiration leads to creativity. The purer the inspiration is, the better the creativity. I have always been enamored by the distinctness of Kashmiri Pandits and no wonder, I am their son-in-law. The people, the food, the clothing, the rituals are different but also similar to rest of India. The watershed development of KPs migrating to Jammu and other parts of India from the valley has also had a deep impact on the lifestyle as well as the rituals. Mine was a creative effort to touch upon these facts on an occasion of a kashmiri wedding by being honest yet tickling your funny bone. This is pure inspiration which leads me to write and nobody pushes me to do it and I don’t get any monetary reward for it. You readers liking it, remains the biggest reward. Still my special thanks to all the members of Bhat and Raina family who undertook this cumbersome and herculean task of a kashmiri wedding and executed it in a very successful way. Thanks! J

Part 4 - Story of a Kashmiri Wedding – An Affair to Remember

A special mention for Krul and Vyoog before I start describing the wedding day. ‘Krul’ are the paintings done on the walls of the home signifying the start of ‘wanvun’ meaning the celebration period. Last time, in 2009, I had the privilege of painting the krul on the walls of Meenu’s (this is not our Raina girl but the Bhat girl and Anita’s cousine). This time however, we had pitched in a professional painter with whom I had a gala time listening to his love story while he painted the walls. ‘Vyoog’ is the rangoli and generally has a coarse design in Kashmiri weddings. But Anita was determined to make this event special, had bought the stencils in advance and made the most of it.

The Big Day. We got up well before the others as we were expecting since most of them had a late night entertaining session. I also had a responsibility of driving the groom, Amit all the way to Jagati to get ready in the morning and get him back in time in Amphalla. And yes, we did that efficiently. We left at 6.45 am from Amphalla and came back by 8.45 am. Can somebody please give me a pat on my back? But the scene at Amphalla was a pure shocker. Almost 70% of the population was as expected bleary eyed and dazed. And worse than this, nobody was making an attempt to get ready hurriedly and loved chitchatting in their cosy blankets over simmering cups of tea. J

I and Arun (he’s the cousin of Amit and son of Ashok Uncle whose Wagon R I was driving in Jammu), somehow fled the spot undertaking an important responsibility of decorating the SUV in which the groom would arrive at bride’s place and would drive her back to his place. As per the suggestion of our driver, we preferred to go to Gandhi Nagar which is one of the up market areas of Jammu. We reached at a decent floral shop which is popular for decorating vehicles for special events.

In the meanwhile, the groom was getting ready in KPS , Amphalla. Of the whole attire a KP (I have been using this abbreviation for Kashmiri Pandits and not for Kevin Pietersen, my intelligent readers must have understood this) groom wears is not the suit, the shirt, the tie or the trouser but the ‘Dastaar’. Dastaar is a special headgear worn by the groom on his wedding day. It’s a saffron colored cotton cloth tied in a specific manner fixed with pins so that the hair of the groom are not visible. It is also a tradition to pass it on to the grooms in the family from the elders. So the ‘dastaar’ worn by me during my wedding was supposedly worn by Anita’s grand-father in his wedding and probably, Amit was also wearing the same one.

Even today, I get compliments for the ‘dastaar’ which was perfectly tied around my skull, thanks to the guy who took the efforts. However, my heart was sinking since probably one of my best appeals, my scalp hair were made invisible. The ‘dastaar’ actually resembles the ‘Mysore Pagari’ worn in South India, another similarity amongst KPs and South Indians along with their affection to rice.

As per the tradition, the groom changes his clothes twice means he wears three different attires within the day. However, the suit he wears in the morning forms the majority part of the pictures as the part of the wedding album. The other two suits are worn only after leaving the venue of wedding with limited audience. At my wedding, I wore the most dull suit throughout and my 2 other relatively better suits were worn when the electricity was cut off in the area in the evening. Nobody even saw them. L What an irony!    

Coming back to the scene in Amphalla as we returned from Gandi Nagar, I also had an additional responsibility of tying knot for Amit’s tie in a Samosa style with elliptical groove. No..i didn’t do that. I didn’t have time for wearing my own clothes. I was wearing a graphite colored mandarin suit with Chinese collared white shirt and I know what tough times I faced while wearing that attire in the store room of KPS, Amphalla. My honest advice to the wedding planners (within home or outsiders is) – kindly make an arrangement for changing rooms. Boys can’t change clothes in the store room while couple of aunties are busy finding the barfi (a sweet) and get frustrated over finding rosogullas instead of Barfi in the same place.

By the time, I managed to wear clothes, Amit’s baraat was getting momentum with people garlanding him at a hefty pace. I feel for the groom at this moment. I felt that at my time also for myself. The poor chap is weighed down by the garlands. The flowers start spoiling the possible white collar of his shirt and he is unable to rotate his neck along the atlas vertebra. Further, most of the ladies hold the groom’s ‘dastaar’ to kiss his forehead making the dastaar go loose. An unusual thing happened though when the dastaar was being tied around Amit’s head. A gentle sprinkling started which unusual in the month of November.

A visit to Shiv Mandir is a must before the groom arrives at the wedding venue. Fortunately, KPS had a big Shiv Temple (obviously) at a 50 meter distance from the gate of the community hall and saved herculean efforts of many aunties for gyrating more than the stated distance. We were though running terribly behind the schedule. As per the earlier schedule, we were supposed to reach the wedding venue in Barnai by 10.15-10.30 a.m. and we were still at Amphalla at 11 a.m. Amphalla and Barnai, by no means are near to each other (remember..Director of Tourism..huh?). We had to have the engagement ceremony also before rituals of wedding start.

Meenu had called me twice asking about our whereabouts and all I could answer was our GPS telling Amphalla. I don’t know if the maxim ‘whatever happens, happens for good’ stands good hear. I hear that the delay actually gave people at Unique Resorts some leverage to shift the arrangement from the park to the wall before the place was lashed with super showers. We finally made the move and were en route to Unique Resorts, Barnai. We managed to lessen some of Amit’s garland burden in the SUV itself. By 12 noon, we managed to reach the gates of Unique Resorts and well, what a congregation eagerly waiting for Amit’s arrival! J

You really turn up to be a star on your wedding day (if you already are not a star). The garlands of marigolds were waiting for Amit. Soon, he was in a similar situation of non rotating neck but with lot of excitement as he could see Meenu after a long time. Draped in a stunning red lehanga choli, she personified the Indian bride. From this point, we passed the responsibilities to Mr. Shadilal Sharma, the official ‘Bramhaji’ of the Bhat camp. However, we had one more important ritual to complete – the engagement!

Amit and Meenu made a beeline to the stage which was very well decorated. Raina camp had a very good army of youngsters well led by Neha and ably supported by Anil. Coming back to the engagement ceremony, the ring exchange took as expected. As I mentioned earlier, me and Arun had kept few roses inside the SUV while decorating the vehicle in the morning. Amit stealthily had picked one and had hidden it in his suit. And it was a Kodak moment when he produced the rose out of nowhere and presented it to Meenu. Thank God, finally he gave the red rose..at least official records say so! Meenu was surprised and bowled over too.

Time was ripe and right. Guts had been experiencing a cascade of gastric juices. Time to go for the elaborate spread of the Waza. “Wazwan” is generally a term used for a feast and includes the more popular non-veg cousins like rogan josh, goshtaba, tabaknat, yakhni, risht, kali and machch. I just know them by names and seen them. I am a veggie. In Kashmiri Pandit wedding, the non-veg items are strictly prohibited since the wedding is associated with some sacred rituals like havan. However, the non-veg connoisseurs can actually look forward for ‘firsaal’ (fir ek baar saal – the feast, once more) at the bride’s home where all these delicacies are served. So I had my portion of rice along with our regular friends like dum aloo, rajma, paneer, nadru yakhni etc.

By the time, I finished my lunch, Meenu and Amit came back to the stage to perform the Jay Mala ritual. This turned out to be probably the liveliest ritual in the all 7 days. It was an impromptu idea of Amit to make this moment a bit funny by making it difficult for Meenu to garland him. However, the Youth Army in Raina camp had already planned for it. What they didn’t know was the sheer physical advantage the Bhat camp had got. It was me, 179 cm (5’11”) and Arun who is 182 cm (6’) who were standing guard for Amit. When Meenu stepped to garland Amit, he first stood on his toes indicating it’s the time. In a rush, I lifted him from the back though the alert Raina camp were quick to lift Meenu also. The second part was even more interesting. It was Amit’s turn to garland Meenu and Meenu was lifted in advance by her cousins. This time, it was a double effort by me and Arun and we raised Amit to such a hight that his Dastaar was touching the top. And Amit lunged forward to garland Meenu and was almost horizontal in the air while me and Arun balancing his weight. It was indeed a Kodak moment and has been well captured by the camera.

This was followed by a brief session of shutterbugging. At a point, I felt like James Bond is getting married in an Indian way. The poses given by them were new and unique (and not the typical boring style). Just the bond didn’t have a gun in his hand and the bond girl was extremely well dressed (not that the normal bond girls are badly dressed.. ;))

The couple was now ready for the serious part of the lagan (wedding) and proceeded to the place where Mr. Shadilal was waiting anxiously for them.     

Part 3 -Story of a Kashmiri Wedding - An Affair to Remember

So the day before the wedding came. It was the day of the maenzraat. Generally, in a KP wedding, another ritual of sacred thread is combined with the main event, especially for the groom and if not groom then some close relative. In the Bhat camp, it was the miniature devil, Akshit, Amit’s cousin and in the Raina camp, Meenu’s Rockstar younger sibling Anil (aka Amit aka A1) who were all set to give up the scalp hair in the next 2-3 days. The maenzraat was combined for Amit and Akshit on the same evening.

I guess that a bride’s mehandi raat is more elaborate than a groom’s. Having attended Meenu’s mehandi raat a couple of days ago, I had no doubt about it. First of all, applying henna design on palms and feet is a feminine trait and now-a-days brides are very curious about the henna designs since they form the major part of their wedding albums. When we arrived for Meenu’s mehandi raat, she was all in for the intricate henna designs by the artist and when we left, yes, she was still in for the designs. Further, Raina camp had 3 luxuries at that time. The Bachkot performance, performance by Anil Raina on his guitar (oh I remember he being conservative about applying henna on fingers so that he can play his guitar) and a gap of 2 days before wedding

The Bhat camp didn’t have the luxury of a rockstar playing a guitar and a gap of 2 days. I constantly heard that guests would be arriving by afternoon and we would have to be ready for it. I was still wondering who the guests were. After a little inquiry, I came to know that they were the maternal relatives of Akshit who would be bringing milk (why??...that is an old tradition, dude!).  So somehow I was also made the part of the company who would be facing the guests at the gates. Never in my life, I have hugged so many strangers but that happens in Kashmiri wedding. Never in my life I have got so many pecks on my cheeks but that happens in Kashmiri Wedding.

Test of my character was waiting for me as I myself presented for the service. It was Kodak moment when a son-in-law of a KP family was seen with two plates in two hands full of sweets serving the guests with a smile on his face. Generally, it should not be happening – kind of a protocol. And I am the nemesis of protocols. Another protocol I was breaking was that of an attire. The last week of November is bound to be chilly in Jammu. While everybody else were clinging to their sweaters, coats and phirans (the traditional kashmiri overcoat), I stuck to a black lycra t-shirt with a half sleeve jacket flaunting non existing deltoids. J

As the evening approached, the environment became more lively. One of the best things about Kashmiri wedding is the abundance of tea (sweet- called as Lipton chai and salted known as sheer/nun chai) as well as cold-drinks along with munchings like breads like crip. It is the groom’s (as well as bride’s) paternal aunt who has the responsibility (and privilege) of applying mehandi and again gets handsomely paid. So if any of the paternal aunts (buaa)  are thinking about belittling this relation then I vouch for the KP Buaa…she gets the attention and money, both! JThe groom’s mehandi is not as elaborate as the bride’s and for obvious reasons. The relatives are also adored with some henna on their hands by the paternal aunt and you have to reward her for that. J

The maenzraat celebration asks for a similar spread of food as of wedding day since this is the biggest feast from the groom’s side as the wedding takes place (or is arranged by) as per the Bride camp. The typical and popular menu is dum aloo (deep fried perforated potato cooked in spices), wazul chaman (paneer chunks in red gravy), lyadur chaman (paneer chunks in yellow gravy), nadroo yakhni (lotus stem in spicy yoghurt gravy), rajma (kidney beans in red gravy) and chok wangun (tangy brinjals/aubergine/eggplant…did you know all these names?) and the ubiquitous BATTA (or steamed white rice). I am always fascinated by the fact of rice being the most essential item on the platter and can be easily compared to penchant of Bengalis and South Indians. It’s slightly unusual to see the rice being consumed so heavily in this part of India, just after the mighty Paratha Kingdom of Punjab. I am writing a separate article on food so no more discussion here.

After this ordeal, there is another ordeal of Devgone (Nothing to do with Ajay or your Devgan). It is quite an elaborative process signifying the advent of Grihasthashram for the groom giving up his Bramhacharya stage. The curious bunch may again google for it. I personally was not attending this part but couldn’t stop laughing when I saw the video footage because of the cameos of Akshit. He was enraged with cold water being poured on him and his mobile toy phone getting drenched. J

After the sumptuous meal, all are set for the much awaited celebrations of dance and music. It is now becoming a common practice to invite Bachkot. Bachkot is the dancer who accompanies the singing group and entertains the audience for a considerable part of the night. So Bachkot’s popularity is inching new high every wedding season due to high demand. In Kashmir, this was never a trend where the womenfolk amongst themselves used to sing and dance. The bachkot and party plays traditional kashmiri songs and people gyrate on these. Now-a-days, Sunny Paji would be very happy to hear “Main Nikala Gaddi Leke” being one of the popular numbers and dubbed in Kashmiri too. However, having mehandi raat on the eve of wedding has its repercussions.  

Due to being awake for a long time in the night, most of the baratis wake up puffed and bleary eyed, too dazed to come to the terms of making hurry. I, after having brief sessions of dancing with Bachkot and others, stealthily made my way to the beddings. My better 3/4^th played a pivotal role in this. Though she, I could see was getting clearly stressed. With good meal and some exercise, it was not difficult for me and others to sleep even in the blaring output of the loudspeakers where the bachkot and party was playing songs. We were all set for the big day the next morning

Part 2 -Story of a Kashmiri Wedding : An Affair to Remember

Gold, the yellow metal has always been a matter of obsession, possession and frustration for the mankind, especially for the fairer sex. Kashmiri female folks are no exception for this and rather most of them can actually represent an organization smitten with gold. ‘Dyej hur’ is the most important and an interesting ornament worn by married kashmiri pandit women. It is KP answer to ‘mangalsutra’ for the rest of India. So the tradition of wearing Dyej Hur was supposedly started by the Kashmiri Saint, Lalleshwari or popularly known as Lal Ded. It still gives me jitters to see women wearing such a heavy ornament dangling from the ears. The provision for it is generally made in the childhood and well, must have to be done with local anaesthesia. It takes a considerable skill and long time for the women folk on the wedding day to make the bride wear her dyej hur. It must be painful for the bride too. Or is it just a small gesture to signify…welcome girl, welcome to the new world of pain and responsibilities! Whatever!  

My sincere advice to the father of an unmarried kashmiri girl – You must start accumulating gold as soon as a daughter is born to you if this crazy obsession with gold is not to see any waning in future. Such an undeterring consciousness amongst the elderly women about what and how much gold the bride is wearing!

Let us come to the main event now. A few days before the wedding the ‘saath’ has to be taken to prepare the mehandi for the maenzraat (Mehandi Raat). This is generally a responsibility of Paternal Aunt of the bride and groom. So she prepares the mehandi for the maenzraat on the day of saath with the womenfolk of the house singing the songs in appreciation of the Ganesh, the god of all auspicious events. The recurrent ‘Om Shree Ganeshay Namah’ sounds like ‘Omshrew Ganeshayen Maha’ after repetitive hearings. The aunt gets handsomely paid for this job though.

 Amit’s aunt, Shanno who is probably one of the most enthusiastic persons I have ever come across takes utmost pleasure in these proceedings. And yes, nobody is match for her when it comes to dancing on any kashmiri song. So actually Anita (my better half) and Shanno managed to dance for a while on the tune of Omshrew Ganeshayen Maha! J 

Co-operation of womenfolk in relatives and neighbours (and strictly in this order otherwise most of the relatives will be holding grudge which is generally known as ‘vaar’ in Kashmiri) is of prime importance. They play an important role in tasks like cleaning of rice and vegetables. They keep on singing traditional songs while doing the tasks. It all adds to the vibrancy of the atmosphere and beacons that the wedding is approaching.

A ‘Satsang’ was arranged on the evening a day before the shifting. It overlapped with Meenu’s mehandi raat. So me and Anita made a brief appearance for the Mehandi Raat before travelling back to attend the …hold your breath.. (me and..??) Satsang! Before I go ahead, kudos to your ‘Waza’, Raina Camp, the food was fabulous…loved every bite of every item prepared. Initially, I had my reservations for attending the satsang but I attended it and tried my hand at ‘Tumbaknaer’, a typical kashmiri instrument, which was appreciated. For the curious people, please google ‘Tumbaknaer’.

Shifting of people and goods to the venue of wedding remains a challenging task. This emanates from the earlier luxury of availability of resources in Kashmir. Now in Jammu (or anywhere else) few have the privilege of having an open space within the fences of home to conduct a marriage. So it is imminent that you book the marriage hall right in advance. Generally, winter (say November and December) are the preferred months for weddings. Hence, the wedding halls are bound to be booked well in advance and  if by luck (good or bad), any hall is available, the management will show all efficiency to loot the customer by charging stratospheric sums. In Jammu, the halls are generally called Resorts/Palaces or Banquet Halls but not just halls. J

Due to the wedding of Amit and Meenu planned in November, my father-in-law and his younger sibling had some sleepless nights over booking of the wedding hall. Some were asking rent of Rs.2 lakh per day and all we wanted was minimal stay of 5 days (Read as a cash outflow of Rs.10 lakh) So somehow good luck prevailed and out of nowhere, my in laws were able to book hall in Kashmiri Pandit Sabha (KPS) in Amphalla in central part of the city at a meager fee.

On Tuesday, 27^th November, we started the shifting process in the morning. This is similar to establishing a new house. You carry almost everything with you rendering your house empty and thus, less vulnerable to theft. Three rooms were available with one main hall at the KPS. One was declared as the store room which can be entrusted with a very reliable person only. It is the holy grail for all your requirements during the wedding. The most reliable (as well as slightly unfortunate) souls selected for this task was my better half (actually a better 3/4^th), Anita from the Bhats and Meenu’s younger sister (and Amit’s sis-in-law), Neha from the Rainas.

Rainas had camped at Unique Resorts in Barnai (Ahh..those wonderful memories of Barnai…Me in nuptial ties with Anita….at Durga Nag Trust, Barnai….4 years…hello, come back!) which is fairly near from their residence in Patouli. For the uninitiated, Barnai and Patouli are parts of Jammu on Akhnoor Road and the road lined with chilled water from Chinab in the canal (How good of me…I can become a driver of a matador bus in Jammu.. he he he…) On the other hand, Bhats had chosen (or were coerced with this fair option of) KPS which is 22km away from their residence in Jagati Mini Township, near Nagrota (on the way to Sri Nagar and Katra…yay…qualified as the guide of Jammu now…) But the advantage of being at KPS – it was situated in Amphalla in the central part and hence was accessible easily from everywhere. Guess I was the guy who made the most of it due to its proximity to Kachchi Chavani, Parade and Pucca Danga! (Ahh…Director of Tourism, now!)

In KPS, Amphalla, along with the main hall, we had three rooms to do everything from chatting to relaxing to sleeping to keeping our luggage to changing clothes. No..not three rooms..as I mentioned earlier, one was labeled as store room with restricted entry. Hence, 2 rooms were available, a fairly open space for tents (I don’t know what the thorny tree was doing there and why was it allowed to grow so big?) and a temple with arrangement for Yagna (or holy fire) for the sake of all the ceremonies. And…well no…nothing…that’s it…!

Being the only guy in the Bhat camp who knows four wheeler driving, I automatically got the responsibility of driving the brand new Wagon R vxi on the roads of Jammu. The Wagon R was recently bought by Amit’s uncle and gave me the much needed experience of driving on the roads of Jammu. The vehicle came very handy for all the mornings that we didn’t spend at Amphalla. Oh yes, skills are essential and necessary. We youngsters had the luxury of travelling all the way to Jagti to get ready and other folks fought a hard battle at KPS which I don’t want to describe.

Now the wedding feeling was sinking. The relatives had arrived and all of us were ready for maenzraat (known as Mehandi Raat elsewhere).

Part 1 - Story of a Kashmiri Wedding - An Affair to Remember

Having attended 3 kashmiri weddings (including my own) in a short span of 4 years and all set in the vibrant city of Jammu, puts me in a fairly comfortable position to write a detailed account of this very complex yet highly co-ordinated event in every Kashmiri Pandit’s life. May God be with you if you happen to be the bride’s father! Now, I am back after attending my brother-in-law’s wedding, all I can do is to start burning the extra fat I must have accumulated by gorging on the dum aloos, chaaman (paneer for the uninitiated), rajma, nadru….. Now you know what I am gonna write about but hold on….it is not about only food…let’s talk!!!

So as it begins with every Indian wedding, exchange of horoscopes (which are known as ‘teknis’ in kashmiri dialect) happens and then the kundalis are calibrated if the girl and boy are a good match. Generally, 18 gunas need to be matched to declare that the kundlis are matching. There are total 36 gunas which are   which are calibrated for the match. Even matching of all 36 gunas is not considered good. The same was the case for Ram and Sita from the magnum opus ‘Ramayana’ and almost everybody in India (I am not too sure about Justin Bieber and Hannah Montana fans) knows the fate of this protagonist couple of the Ramayana.

Every event related to wedding has to be done on an auspicious day which beacons the smoothness and seamlessness of all the processes in the future. This particular day amongst the KPs is known as ‘saath’. It has its own significance and will be repetitive in my elaboration of different events of the wedding. The other repetitive term is ‘vaar’ but let us discuss it specifically as it is a common human trait. In Kashmir, or specifically in Sri Nagar, the elders used to find a ‘saath’ so that all the family members (of course along with the boy and girl) can meet and decide upon the future proceedings. The meetings in Sri Nagar generally took place in the gardens near the revered shrine of the Kheer Bhawani Temple. I heard that people used to carry tiffins in hot cases and used to make merry at the venue.

Being in Pune, our own couple, Amit (the docile and good looking Bhat and my brother in law) and Meenu (his beautiful and universal friendly wife and the eldest daughter of the Rainas) decided to meet at the Pune’s version of Kheer Bhawani, The Chatushrungi Temple. I was not surprised when I heard that.  The talks went well and Amit and my in laws quest for the best girl ended. And here again, I was not surprised. J

Boy (and his family) liking the girl (and her family) and vice versa initiates the preparation of the wedding. In my view, Kashmiri wedding is one of the complex weddings I have ever came across. Rather, it is the most complex wedding ceremony. Kashmiri Pandits (at least the generation which is enthusiastically undertaking the responsibility of this ceremony for their kids in late 20’s) don’t believe in outsourcing. They take responsibility of even minute commodities like spices (uh…ohhh…some eyebrows almost touched the scalp hair…did I use the word minute for spices?....Thousand apologies!)

 The origin of this trait probably lies here. Most of the KPs have been owners of large farms across Kashmir and preferred to stay near farms. Sri Nagar could officially be regarded as the city of office goers otherwise not. There was no concept like nuclear families and almost everywhere were joint families in the hinterland of Kashmir. So there were many brains to think and many hands to work. Neighbours were always at disposal for any kind of work and when it came to a wedding, they used to work as if it was the event in their own home. Families of KPs stayed in multi-storied buildings and almost every home had a huge open space in front of the home and fenced. What an ideal arrangement for wedding!

The elders in the home took responsibility of almost everything. The toughest in my view is the purchase and procurement of vegetables. I am sure that McDonald’s or other fast food chain restaurants employees can get a crash course in procurement of vegetables if asked to be the part of the preparations of the wedding. For example, for preparation of dum aloo (which is the king of the ‘saal’), you need to have potatoes of specific variety and of specific size. If dum aloo goes wrong in the wedding then your ‘izzat’ is lost forever (No matter how many ‘firsaals’ you may come up with). Every member of the family had something to do and something to answer for. This trait is still intact in the elder KPs though I see a bleak future for it.

‘Poshpilnavan’ officially marks the beginning of the wedding festivities in both the houses. Poshpilnavan can be roughly translated as the exchange of flowers in a temple by the families of the groom and the bride. I have witnessed a single Poshpilnavan ceremony which was kinda modified as per the circumstances. It happened in the Ganesh Temple of my colony. My parents and relatives were clueless as they were facing it for the first time. My in laws must be heavy hearted as the place where Poshpilnavan took place was not Jammu and probably on account of the counterparty being absolutely clueless of such an important ceremony. J All I can recount was a hearty exchange of two bouquets of gerberas and sweets. My KP friends need not necessary relate their Poshpilnavan with the narrated one. In fact, Poshpilnavan is an event of jubilation. Food is an integral part of the jubilation.

We couldn’t participate in the Poshpilnavan ceremony for Amit and Meenu. So no details on the original kashmiri ceremony. Guess I need to wait for another wedding to happen!     

Poshpilnavan is considered to be as good as an engagement. The concept of engagement ceremony though is catching strong grounds after most of the KPs have left the valley. Haven’t heard many though talking about engagement as enthusiastically as Poshpilnavan. J Amit and Meenu though were determined  to make it happen. And…well it actually happened on the day of wedding itself. But it happened. The rose trick at the engagement ceremony was interesting though myself and Arvind had arranged for the resources. I will talk in detail about it later.

After Poshpilnavan, people in both the houses get extremely busy. Booking of the wedding hall, shopping for the clothes and gold, making arrangements for the guests and the toughest challenge – food. ‘Saath’ has to be taken for every act mentioned above. You need to make it sure that you don’t start the process on a wrong foot and yes, this is applicable to the close relatives also. I’ll discuss in detail regarding the proceedings in second part.